Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long. 



[this dance is brilliant.]


I'M SO DAMN AMBIVALENT. 
I don't want to get better. I just want to get thin. But I know that's a terrible idea. Stupid therapy taught me right from wrong. I wish I was a child again sometimes, so I could be naive and happy and carefree. 


I'm seeing my best friend in a month. I can't wait. That's keeping me here right now. I need to be around someone who knows and gets me. I need to be around something familiar so I can breathe, so I can feel safe and comfortable. 


I can't tell if going home for a day is going to help a lot or really hurt me. It could be helpful to be around the familiar, like I said, but since it's for no time at all...I don't know. I don't know if it'll help. I need to look up and forward. I think that one of the main reasons I've fucked up so bad is because it's all new here. Because my eating disorder is familiar. It helps me stay grounded in a weird way. 


But I still don't want to let it go.