People make me want to die.

"SO! Who wants to accompany me to the bathroom to throw this up after we're done?" -My gay best friend.

Considering the others there were Lucy and Trevor, and they know...they just kind of looked at me for a cue of what to do. I laughed. Awkwardly.

What I wanted to say was that since it's an extremely, not to mention deadly illness that has been robbing me of my life since I was in middle school it's probably one of the most un-funny, and degrading things he has ever, EVER said.

But I made a quick subject change and was a major bitch to him the rest of the night.
He makes those comments literally every time we eat.

I want to go apeshit on him.
I don't understand how people can think that's ok.

Especially when he preaches on acceptance for gays. Because after his snide little comments, he launches into a discussion about how he doesn't understand HOW people can DO that to themselves. (A similar conversation was had in relation to self injury). It's just so STUPID and frankly, he just hates throwing up. Which makes me want to say, OH. I just decided I'm gay now. So I'm gay. But, wait. NEVER MIND. I don't want to be gay anymore because it's just so, incredibly STUPID, and frankly, I can't imagine having sex with a girl. And maybe it's different because I obviously know he's gay and he doesn't know I have an eating disorder. And the two situations ARE extremely different....

But. I'm not going to make excuses for him.
It was wrong.
And I wish I could have said something besides just my awkward laugh.

But there's always next time.

Ignorant Assholes.

"I could never be anorexic, I like food too much. I'd be bulimic though. It's really the smartest idea ever, because you can eat whatever the hell you want and lose weight."

I'M SO GLAD I HEARD THAT TODAY.

Because too bad you hardly lose weight--and if you do, it's probably because you're dehydrated. And never mind the fact that it can kill you.

I just LOVE the ignorance surrounding eating disorders. Even the anorexia comment--as if people choose it as a diet. Give up carbs? Nah, I'll just give up food altogether. If it was that FUCKING easy, people  wouldn't need to get such intense treatment. If it was about...vanity? Goddamn. I left the library when I heard it. I couldn't sit there for the rest of the conversation.

People suck.

Today was a terrible, terrible day. I should never have gotten out of bed.