Letters to No One.

Dear Creepy Guy At the Dance, 

Thanks so much for feeling me up and shoving your tongue down my throat. I wasn't that drunk, and it's really nice that you've helped me lose what little trust I had for humanity. 

Dear T, 

Thanks for being such a good friend, and for offering to hit CGATD. (Please don't though) And for helping me get a cab after I slept through the first one. And Thanks for continuing to text me as I had a constant panic attack in the cab and the airport. And while I was in Georgia to make sure everything was going ok. And thanks for offering to be there for me, even if I don't believe you. 

Dear K, 

Your wedding was beautiful and so were you. Sorry for tripping when I was supposed to go speak. You know how graceful I am, especially in my stupid heels. I hope your married life is amazing. I love you. 

Dear Mom and Dad, 

Thanks for having faith in me and believing that I'm telling you the truth. It makes it easier to lie when we keep it simple like this. 

Dear Struggling Friends, 

It breaks my heart to hear/read about hard times you're going through, but I know how strong you all are. You're all so much better than this monster and I wish you could all see your beauty and fabulous characters. I hope everything looks up and I know what I've just said is the shittiest thing to say, because it doesn't help. But words are pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things anyway. I wish I had better advice, but clearly I don't really know how to handle it either. <3 kafsjldjlas;fjka I'm sorry this had to happen to any of you. None of you deserve it. 

Dear Georgia, 

Thanks for being so fucking memorable of my life before college. It makes me hate you but at the same time I want to crawl in my bed forever. 

Dear Chicago, 

Thanks for helping me forget. 

Dear Eating Disorder, 

I hope you're enjoying your stay. If there's anything I can do to make it more hospitable, BY ALL MEANS let me know. Also, fuck you. Please stop controlling me. But please stay, I'm raw and vulnerable without you here. 

love, 

me. 

second guesses.

If there's anything you know about me, you know that I am obsessed with clothes, fashion, anything related. You'll also know that I shop at J.Crew, Anthropologie, and Urban Outfitters in excess. So, as you can imagine when I saw there was a J.Crew within walking distance of my campus, I had a mini heart attack out of excitement. I interviewed there last Wednesday. I got the job 2 hours ago. This is going to be an issue if I have to do more therapy. I'm supposed to call my parents tonight and ask them about it, and they're supposed to call CM to set up insurance, etc. tomorrow. I have a meeting with her on Wednesday to set up my intake evaluation at the hospital. I'd rather work. I'm thinking of not telling my parents and telling CM that I think I can get back on track.

I'm trying to figure out if I'm lying to myself. It's only been two weeks here...I think I can turn things around. Maybe I'll call CM and tell her all of this...or maybe, more realistically, I'll just wait until Wednesday to tell her. I don't think she'll call my parents--even though I signed the release for her to tell them things.

lkjafljadskfj I don't know if I'm doing this because it's right or because I'm looking for an excuse.