People make me want to die.

"SO! Who wants to accompany me to the bathroom to throw this up after we're done?" -My gay best friend.

Considering the others there were Lucy and Trevor, and they know...they just kind of looked at me for a cue of what to do. I laughed. Awkwardly.

What I wanted to say was that since it's an extremely, not to mention deadly illness that has been robbing me of my life since I was in middle school it's probably one of the most un-funny, and degrading things he has ever, EVER said.

But I made a quick subject change and was a major bitch to him the rest of the night.
He makes those comments literally every time we eat.

I want to go apeshit on him.
I don't understand how people can think that's ok.

Especially when he preaches on acceptance for gays. Because after his snide little comments, he launches into a discussion about how he doesn't understand HOW people can DO that to themselves. (A similar conversation was had in relation to self injury). It's just so STUPID and frankly, he just hates throwing up. Which makes me want to say, OH. I just decided I'm gay now. So I'm gay. But, wait. NEVER MIND. I don't want to be gay anymore because it's just so, incredibly STUPID, and frankly, I can't imagine having sex with a girl. And maybe it's different because I obviously know he's gay and he doesn't know I have an eating disorder. And the two situations ARE extremely different....

But. I'm not going to make excuses for him.
It was wrong.
And I wish I could have said something besides just my awkward laugh.

But there's always next time.

I HATE PEOPLE.

1. People are untrustworthy. They can leave at any point. Who's to say they won't?
2. They say things to make you feel better when you're one on one, but in a group they don't defend it. They still laugh at stuff they know hurts you, they still joke about it even though they said they 'get it'.
3. They say they'll never tell anyone and then all of a sudden say 'you need to see someone'.

I'm not going to more therapy, you bastard. I told you that the first time we talked about this. I made it clear. I knew I shouldn't have told you. We can't do this anymore if you're going to say and think shit like that. You can't pretend for over a week that you've completely forgotten and then say you want me to go back to therapy.

It's not happening. Therapy doesn't work for me.

And this, kids, is why you shouldn't drink on Thursday nights.
Especially with people that know things they shouldn't.