People make me want to die.

"SO! Who wants to accompany me to the bathroom to throw this up after we're done?" -My gay best friend.

Considering the others there were Lucy and Trevor, and they know...they just kind of looked at me for a cue of what to do. I laughed. Awkwardly.

What I wanted to say was that since it's an extremely, not to mention deadly illness that has been robbing me of my life since I was in middle school it's probably one of the most un-funny, and degrading things he has ever, EVER said.

But I made a quick subject change and was a major bitch to him the rest of the night.
He makes those comments literally every time we eat.

I want to go apeshit on him.
I don't understand how people can think that's ok.

Especially when he preaches on acceptance for gays. Because after his snide little comments, he launches into a discussion about how he doesn't understand HOW people can DO that to themselves. (A similar conversation was had in relation to self injury). It's just so STUPID and frankly, he just hates throwing up. Which makes me want to say, OH. I just decided I'm gay now. So I'm gay. But, wait. NEVER MIND. I don't want to be gay anymore because it's just so, incredibly STUPID, and frankly, I can't imagine having sex with a girl. And maybe it's different because I obviously know he's gay and he doesn't know I have an eating disorder. And the two situations ARE extremely different....

But. I'm not going to make excuses for him.
It was wrong.
And I wish I could have said something besides just my awkward laugh.

But there's always next time.

I knew it wouldn't last.

As soon as me and Trevor had the conversation...that one where I established that I really am not attracted to him, and just wanted to be friends...he stopped talking to me about anything of substance.

Normally, if I would have texted him freaking out, he would have been at my dorm in 3 seconds flat to talk about it. But he texted back: :\ shit happens, sorry.

I'M SORRY I BUSTED YOUR FUCKING BALLS. But is that really the only reason you pretended to care? Because you wanted some ass?

I have trust issues anyway. And somehow that motherfucker drew me in and I had an inkling of trust for him. This is exactly why I don't get close to people. Exactly. He only pretended to care because he wanted to fuck. I know not all people are horny assholes...but why does everyone that I come across, that I decide to trust a little bit fuck me over?

Everyone has the ability to change their mind, and leave. So who's to say they won't? Because everyone has so far. So how do I think differently when I haven't seen this firsthand?

I'm going to stop the melodrama and toot my own horn now so I can end on a happy note.

At breakfast, I had chocolate milk. and cereal. Not just fruit and water.
I know it's not balanced nutritionally or anything...but...no. That's why I'm proud. I didn't purge sugary cereal and chocolate milk. And it was pretty good, too.