.

i want to be able to control what i feel.
i'll let you know when i figure out how that works.

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Boys are stupid.
I don't want him to give me butterflies.
I don't want to think about him.
I don't want to wait for his text messages.
I don't want to want him.
I don't want to like him.

My fate is decided in 3.5 hours.
I have never been this anxious in my life.
I'm at a cross between the sound of food making me sick and wanting to eat anything I can get my hands on. Or wanting to run until I collapse. Or wanting to scream, break something, hurt something.
So I'm just going to sleep. Or I might do something stupid.


Please. Please. Please....what? I don't even know what I want to happen.
(because I don't want recovery at all.)


fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkiiiiiinnnnnggggg shittttttttttttttttttt.
i hate having emotions. where the hell did my numbness go? alksfjlaksjfkasjdfoikl

you walk around screaming "screw the world" because that's easier than feeling something

i have officially numbed out.
i don't always get why that's a bad thing.
i know you need to feel,
but god DAMN do feelings screw shit up sometimes.

i don't really care what happens. i don't care if i have to go home.
i don't care if i stay here. i don't care if i do anything about this.