now they're saying residential.
my mom talked to the lady at the hospital who said that i seem to be anti-recovery, therefore a 'relaxed' treatment environment doesn't seem right for me at this point.
and i didn't want to hear that.
i want to flip the switch or go back in time and stop this.
i'm scaring the shit out of myself...i don't understand why i can't stop. because it is...just food. and it's such a simple concept, to eat. to eat and NOT purge.
i don't understand why i did this. if i could understand that...i feel like i'd be set in recovery.
but i don't think i had a reason.
ughhhh fuckkkkkkking shit.
You "did this" because you have a disease. Whatever started it, the first time you used symptoms. . .it wouldn't have become what it is if you didn't have this disease. It's not a choice it's a biological, genetic disease. I don't know if that helps. From someone who knows exactly the "why" behind why I developed anorexia. . .it's actually not that helpful in getting better. You just do it. And you can do it.
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