i've overused the word scared.

i.am.freaking.out.
i can't focus.
appointment in 2 hours and 43 minutes.
breathe.
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i'm so scared.
i'm scared she's going to tell me i have to go home now.
i'm scared she's going to tell me i don't have to go home.
i'm scared i'm going to have to do groups.
but i'm scared she'll say i'm ok, and i don't really need therapy.
i'm scared i'm overreacting. i'm scared i'm insane.

i'm scared to go.
i have a lot i want to say.
but i usually clam up and just stare. and hope she can just read my mind or something.
i don't want to write it down and give it to her. i hate doing that.
i don't want to go.
i just want to flip a switch and be ok.
i don't want to do this anymore.

i'm scared that i'm this scared about going. why am i such a baby?
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2 hours. 40 minutes.

i can't breathe.