"Fuck you."

So, I got a letter in the mail yesterday.
It's from Olivia.

Around this time last year, I wrote her a letter apologizing for how bitchy I was when I found out she told my parents. I was actually, legitimately grateful for her doing that after a couple of months of therapy, and I wanted to tell her thanks, for saving my life. I guess it was easy for me in the beginning. I took on the whole "oh, they know, so I'll just fix it" attitude. So I started eating less and not really purging. I told her I was sorry, and I tried to explain why I was so upset with her...I didn't think it was that complicated, honestly. She thought I had no reason to be mad. But anyway. I thanked her and said it was the best thing anyone had ever done for me and that I was finally going to get better and live again. I knew that most of it was bullshit upon writing it, I guess...because days later I just started everything up again.

She mentioned that in her letter. She said she still reads mine from time to time and through the whole year of my up and downs in therapy...she wondered how much of it was bullshit. And now she said it's completely meaningless. Which I don't think is fair. But she kept going, saying that she's not going to watch me do this anymore. She's not going to say anything to my parents, but she's not going to sit back and pretend it isn't there.

BUT SHE'S IN NEW YORK. So don't fret. Because I am a safe distance away to hide it. There's just two rough weekends that we'll be together and I'll have to pretend a wee bit.

Anyway. It was really nice, don't get me wrong. I'm a little bitter right now, I know it's coming off that way.

But I read it right after lunch yesterday. Put it down. And purged.

I guess I don't give a shit about people anymore?
How could I read all about someone being concerned about me and pleading for me to do better on my own, or get help, and blatantly ignore it and just...purge.

Maybe I did just want to say...fuck you. Which is a really great attitude to have, obviously. I don't get why I have to do that. I don't get why I have to be such a bitch to people that just want to help me.

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I want nothing more than to isolate in my little hole.
BUT MY HOLE IS IN GEORGIA.